


No Need to Argue

by rainingravens



Series: An Illustrated Pynch [5]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Is Trying His Best, Angst and Feels, Fanart, M/M, Post-Canon, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, canon level swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-03-17 17:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13663593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingravens/pseuds/rainingravens
Summary: Adam has been working long hours since school ended, Ronan is getting pissed off.





	1. I knew I'd Lose You

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the Cranberries 'No Need to Argue'

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142422632@N06/40237395961/in/dateposted-public/)

Adam was exhausted. In fact, he was so far past exhausted he was into sleep-walking territory. He trudged across Nino’s parking, passing Ronan’s obscenely huge and badly (intentionally) parked truck, heading toward the entrance and wishing he was heading home to bed instead. But this was the last day. No more double shifts, no more 4am starts and 10pm finishes, just a few hours a week at Boyd’s and the rest of the summer to look forward to with Ronan. A very tiny smile flickered across his face at the thought of telling Ronan this, and then vanished into his all-consuming exhaustion. God he was. So. Fucking. Tired.

Ronan saw Adam as he came to a shambling halt in front of the booth. _Jesus, Mary and Joseph_ he thought _look at the stupid fucker, he’s dead on his feet. What is fucking WRONG with him?! Can’t he see what he’s doing to himself?!_

“Oh, look, it’s Parrish. Wait, no, it’s fucking ZOMBIE PARRISH!”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142422632@N06/26382057988/in/dateposted-public/)

Gansey and Blue stopped their whispering together, and Henry glanced away from his phone screen, at Ronan’s harsh voice. They all looked at Adam and saw exactly what Ronan meant. Adam was there in body, kind of, but his spirit…not so much. He wore his exhaustion like an extra set of clothing, clinging to his frame, bearing his shoulders down and giving his skin a gray tinge. He looked like 100° in the shade, desiccated and worn. Not nearly 19 years old, more like 90.

“Ronan,” Adam started to say in an almost inaudible tone.

“Don’t you fucking “Ronan” me!” Ronan yelled at him.” Have you fucking looked at yourself? Have you seen yourself in a damn mirror? You look like death warmed up…and you’re getting more corpse-like every time I fucking see you. Which isn’t very fucking often. Two weeks. Fourteen fucking days! You’re gone before dawn and you get home so fucking late at night me and Opal are forgetting what you fucking look like!”

“Ro, please,” Adam tried again weakly.

“NO! You know what?! I’m fucking OVER THIS!” Ronan roared. He surged up out of his seat and stormed out of the diner. A deathly silence followed his exit.

Adam stood blindly still, stunned into even less animation. He jerked aware of his surroundings at the grasp of Gansey’s hand on his arm.

“Adam! What is the matter with you?! You know you’ve been working too hard and Ronan is…”

Adam shook him off, silencing him. He lurched away from the table, stumbling toward the door. All he could hear in his head were Ronan’s words, _I’m over this, I’m over this, I’m over this._ It had finally happened, he had driven Ronan away. It was everything he had feared and everything he had expected. He was just surprised it had taken him this long.


	2. And the thing that makes me mad

Monmouth wasn't the same since Blue and Gansey became 'official'. Blue had categorically refused to stay overnight if the bed remained in the main room. Once Ronan moved out Gansey shifted it into his old room and even had the room painted and carpeted. She also insisted that he spend some of his obscene amount of money to move the kitchen out of the bathroom. He did but in his own way. The cabinet with the sink, the stove and the fridge were all reused and the only new thing was an Ikea shelf to hold the microwave (which Blue was still unable to reach). Ronan sneered every time he visited, "If it was good enough for us.." Gansey then needed somewhere for the group to sit and organized an eclectic sitting area with an almost priceless Oriental rug he refused to treat nicely and an assorted collection of mismatching furniture. It was very Gansey.

Sunday afternoon Gansey and Henry were arguing over an old map of the southern states, disagreeing about where and what should be on their itinerary. Blue wasn't listening...she'd heard a slam of doors, first one distantly, then another downstairs. She heard the pounding of feet and leaned back to hear and see Ronan slam the door open and closed behind him. He was still dressed in his church clothes, even though church had got out hours before. As he stalked across the floor toward the lounge area, Blue cried out, "Save me, Ronan, they won't stop arguing and the map doesn't even have all the roads!".

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142422632@N06/25931304157/in/dateposted-public/)

Ronan completely ignored her. "Have you seen him?!" he demanded. "Where the fuck is he?!"

All three looked at him blankly. Gansey was the only one brave enough to speak after Ronan's furious outburst. 'Who? Who are you looking for?"

Ronan glared at him. "Who the fuck do you think I'm looking for?! Parrish! Have you fucking seen him?!".

"Not since Friday night," said Blue, "he hasn't been here or Fox Way."

Henry also said he hadn't seen him and Gansey looked immediately worried. "When did you last see him, Ronan?'

Ronan looked down and lifted his hand to gnaw on his wristbands. "He didn't come home Friday night. Or last night. I thought he was with you", he muttered. His shoulders slumped and his voice went very quiet. "When we got home from church..." his face started working and he turned away from the trio. "When I got home from church, he'd been and taken all his stuff. He left the BMW and took the shitbox. He left his keys in the Beemer. He's gone." 

Blue leapt to her feet and rushed over to him. She flung her arms around him and hugged him tight and a miracle occurred, he let her. Gansey sat paralyzed for a moment in utter shock then he too went over to Ronan and placed and a hand on his shoulder. "We'll find him, Ronan!" he pronounced in his kingly voice and Ronan's head came up and round. "You'd fucking better," he snarled and then his eyes closed tightly and his breath caught, "Why? Why the fuck did he do that?!" he murmured.

Henry cleared his throat and spoke up, "I don't know for sure of course, but Friday night..."

"Friday night what?!" 

"Friday night, do you think maybe he thought you broke up with him? His face was pretty shattered looking when he left. I thought he was going home but if he thought you didn't want him there...?".

Ronan took a sudden deep breath and looked like he'd taken a blow to the solar plexus. Gansey tightened his grip on his shoulder. "No matter what the reason, we'll find him and we'll drag him back here if we have to. He WILL tell us why he left. And if it was because something Ronan said, we'll tell him he's mistaken. But we'll find him first and take it from there."

Ronan looked at him and nodded. Blue dragged Ronan to the couch and forced some pizza on him while Gansey and Henry had a short, whispered confab before Henry headed off. Gansey went and sat on the sofa next to Ronan. "Henry is going to the factory...Adam's been working the weekends there. He'll find out when he gets off and we can be there when he comes out." 

"I'm not completely fucking useless," snorted Ronan round a mouthful of pizza. "that's the first place I fucking looked! The car's not there, it's not at Boyd's, it's not at St Agnes, it's not fucking here!".

Gansey said, a little annoyed, "Henry will go INTO the factory, he will TALK to someone. Maybe Adam's due there later on. He will FIND OUT".

Ronan sniffed, disdainfully, "Whatever! He couldn't find a pissup in a fucking bar." he sneered.

Blue cuffed him round the head angrily and Gansey looked at him sternly. "Don't be such a prick. Henry is trying to help you."

Blue was furious, "You asshole! You treat poor Henry like he's got rabies or something. HE IS OUR FRIEND!!!"

Ronan shuffled in his seat, hemmed in both sides by Henry's supporters. "Oh, whatever," he muttered, "I know you two think the sun shines out his asshole. He's just so...", his voice trailed away and his head fell back on the sofa. "I just don't fucking care right now." 

Blue looked at him and realised their stalwart Greywaren was worried sick and heartbroken. She softened her tone and leaned into his side. "We'll find him."

An hour later Henry returned with disconcerting news. There was no Adam at the factory. There had been no Adam there since Friday. "They said Friday was his last shift. He worked double shifts last week to cover for someone else but he'd handed in his notice two weeks ago." Henry informed them and looked at Ronan. " He never said anything about it to you?"

"Oh yes, of course he did, I forgot, that's why I took his fucking head off his shoulders. No, he didn't tell me, Cheng, I'da thought that was pretty fucking obvious!"

Gansey quickly put himself between Ronan and Henry. "Ok, so we know Friday was his last day at the factory but what about Boyd's? He never mentioned anything about Boyd's?"

"NO, HE FUCKING DIDN"T!! For God's sake, I've hardly seen him these last two weeks. He was gone before sunrise and came home at midnight...or even later! He was a walking fucking ZOMBIE! I don't think he even ate much. Maybe some cereal in the morning, but I don't think he could eat when he got home, he was too fucking tired. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what was he THINKING?! You saw him Friday, he looked like shit."

Blue replied to this with a sigh, "He did, he looked terrible. I thought he was going to collapse. But I think he was trying to tell you, he was just too tired to get his words out. Oh, Ronan, I think Henry was right, I think he thinks you broke up with him, you were so angry. And you said you were over it."

"I WAS fucking angry! And I WAS fucking over it, over him working himself to fucking death! Not over him, not over us! What a fucking mess! And where the fuck did he GO!" 

"We can't find out anything about Boyd's till the morning. Do you want to stay here with us till then? I don't think you should be on your own." Gansey pleaded.

"No, I left Opal at home. I'm not leaving her overnight by herself. Anyway, I'm gonna go drive around a bit more, see if I can spot the shitbox."

"Please don't drink when you get home, just...please don't. Come back here in the morning and we'll go to Boyd's together. I don't think you should do the talking, we want Boyd to tell us, not kick us out. And if Adam's there, I'll talk to him first, he might take off if he sees you."

"TAKE OFF?! How the fuck would he take off?! His piece of crap shitbox is barely capable of starting, let alone fucking TAKING OFF!"

"Just do it, Ronan! Don't go driving around looking for him, go straight home and. Do. Not. Drink!" Ronan was incapable of ignoring Gansey when he used that tone and he promised and left, slamming all the doors on his way to punctuate his reluctance. The truck roared into life and they heard it barreling out the lot.

The trio remaining looked at each other. "So, which car are we taking," said Blue. 

"Mine," answered Gansey as he grabbed his keys and the three of them headed down to the Pig.

 

Next morning Ronan arrived at 7am, banging on Gansey's bedroom door and shouting, "Get your ass out of there!" and headed across to the kitchen and put on the kettle. His overwhelming desire had been and was to head straight to Boyd's but he knew Gansey would skin him if he did. And he also knew Gansey was utterly hopeless without coffee in the morning so he brewed a strong cup while Gansey wended his way, bleary eyed, mumbling and pajama clad, into the bathroom.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142422632@N06/26932847238/in/dateposted-public/)

Once he was dressed and had drunk his over cool cup of coffee..."This coffee is cold!" "Just fucking drink it!", he and Ronan headed for the Pig and Boyd's. There was no sign of Adam's car and Ronan slumped disheartenedly in his seat. Gansey put his hand on Ronan's shoulder again and squeezed. "Stay here." he warned.

The shop was open with Boyd in the office and a couple of mechanics working on cars. Gansey squared his shoulders and became President Cellphone in a split second. He walked into the office and within moments Boyd was treating him like a long lost friend. But Boyd was also no help over Adam's whereabouts. "Adam? He's on vacation. That boy never has taken any time off since he started here so when he asked for a couple of weeks off I was happy to let him. He's due back in a week but he'll be on a permanent day shift till he leaves for college. He wanted a vacation with his boyfriend and the weekends with him and his little girl till he left. Happy to do it, he's the best worker I've ever had here, he knows he can come back any break and for the summers. I'll miss him, we all will."

Gansey thanked him for his time and trudged out to the car. Ronan looked briefly happy at the news Adam was due back but his face fell again, "But where IS HE?! Right NOW!"

"I don't know, I can't even guess. Blue, Henry and I drove around for hours till it got dark and didn't see him or the car anywhere."

Ronan looked up quickly at that, "But you told me not to look! How come YOU could go looking, he's MY fucking boyfriend?!"

"Because there were two sets of eyes looking and one driving. And I didn't know what would happen if you found him. I want to talk to him first, before you manage to piss him off and make it worse."

"Make it worse?! He's left me, how the fuck can it be any worse?!"

"We don't know why he left, what made him go. It might be nothing at all to do with you..."

"Fuck, his father!" Ronan broke in, "His father might have him! He might be hurt! He might be..."

"STOP! Do not start thinking thoughts like that, his father wouldn't go near him, he can't."

"But if he found him somewhere, if he fucking ran into him or something. We have to go there, we have to find out!"

"I don't think we..."

"I don't give a fuck! Take me back to the truck, I'm going to fucking find him. I'll kill that fucking asshole if he's laid one finger on Adam, I swear!"

And Gansey knew he would. So with much reluctance and 911 on speed dial he headed to the trailer park.

 

Blue woke up aware that something was wrong. She saddened when she remembered yesterday. The trio had driven down every street and road around Henrietta to no avail. There was no sign of the Magician or his car. She climbed out of bed and after a trip to the bathroom stumped her way down to the kitchen.

"What's that sad face for?" asked her mother.

"I thought you were the psychic", retorted Blue, grabbing a yoghurt from the fridge. Maura eyed her, unimpressed. Blue sighed and told her about the previous day. "We don't know where he could be, we looked everywhere."

"Well, obviously you didn't look everywhere or you would have found him."

Blue was the one to eye her mother unimpressed this time.

"We'll do a reading, maybe we can see something...he does put out a lot of energy. Eat your yoghurt and we'll have a look."

 

Gansey pulled to a halt in front of the Parrish double wide. There was no sign of Robert Parrish's truck which made him sigh a little heartfelt sigh of relief. Ronan threw his door open and made to get out of the car. Gansey flung his arm out and caught him by his wrist.

"No. You stay here, I'll go knock." 

Ronan snarled at him, pulling against his grip. But Gansey hadn't been captain of the rowing team for nothing. He hung on and Ronan gave in, slamming the door shut and subsiding in a grumbling, expletive ridden huff. 

Gansey approached the trailer door with some apprehension...he remembered the last time he'd done this and it hadn't gone well. He knocked. He knocked again. The third time his knuckles hit the door it opened underneath them. Adam's mother looked up at him, her face blank and uninterested. "Is Adam here?". Mrs Parrish looked puzzled for a moment then her face went blank again and she tried to close the door. He put his foot against the door jamb and said, "It would be a good idea to answer me, I've got his boyfriend in my car and he would be very happy to come up here and tear your trailer to pieces." She glanced over at the car, and shook her head. "Can I come in and have a quick look? Ronan is not going to take your word for it, not after..." She opened the door wider and gestured for him to enter, "Be quick," she said, "Robert is due back soon." 

"So, he wasn't in there and there's no sign of any of his things," Gansey said as he drove them away from the trailer, "I'm sure he wasn't here at all."

Ronan sat looking out the window, his gaze not focusing on anything. He didn't reply to Gansey, not then and not when they got back to Monmouth. Gansey's phone rang, it was Blue. "Mom did a reading, she thinks Adam is where there are trees and a stream. Could he be where Cabeswater was?".


	3. Will I forget in Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam finds a fairyland

Adam barely made it a quarter mile down the road before he had to pull over. He couldn't see, his eyes filled with tears, and he was gasping as sobs broke out. Head against the wheel he let all the heartbreak consume him, his body shaking and his mind screaming. _No, this can't be happening, I'm having a nightmare, I'm going to wake up soon, Ronan would never_...but Ronan had and eventually the sobs subsided and he lifted his head, hiccuping and wiping the snot and tears off his face with the sleeve of his overalls. _What do I do now? I'm not going back to the Barns. God, no, I just can't go there._ His thoughts went round and round, his body getting tenser and sobs threatening to start again. He remembered the last time he had fled, and how he ended up at Cabeswater's site. He would go there again, he could sleep in the car. Tomorrow he would go back to the Barns. He would collect his belongings and he would leave. He would. He could. He was fine. Adam Parrish, army of one again, put the car into gear and drove away.

When he got to the forest, he wasn't so sanguine. It was dark, he had no flashlight, all he had on was a tshirt, boxers, socks and overalls, it was going to get nippy before dawn. But he shrugged all that off. It had been cold at St Agnes, he'd survived that, he could certainly survive this. God but he was hungry! And thirsty, but with no flashlight he wasn't braving the woods to find the stream. He looked in the glove compartment hopefully, nothing at all edible in there. One thing, he was so exhausted he didn't think it would take long to get to sleep...as long as he didn't think about his stomach or his thirst or... _Don't go there!_ He climbed out of the drivers seat and stretched, looking skyward. _No moon, fuck it's dark. But those stars look mighty pretty._ He looked at them for a while, leaning on the door, till his neck started to ache. _Fuck, I'm broken_ he thought as he rolled his head to ease the pain. He opened the back door, sat on the seat and struggled to untie his boot laces. He shuffled along the seat and curled into a ball of misery, head on his arms, willing himself to sleep. But it was long coming. Eventually he fell into a disturbed slumber, and slept fitfully till cold, an aching back and the first light of dawn awoke him.

His thirst consuming him and taking only enough time to put his boots back on, he headed into the trees until he found the stream. It required him to lay on one of the rocks to reach and the water was cold but he scooped up handful after handful till he no longer felt so dehydrated. He pulled himself up and looked about him. The light was barely enough to see into the wood but he decided to keep going along the stream bank. He recalled the little clearing he'd seen before and thought maybe stretching out on the grass would be nice for his back. He resolutely refused to think about last night, concentrating on what was before and about him. He heard birds start to twitter and tweet, the light becoming stronger with each passing moment. He stood, stretching again to his full height, arms stretched above his head and his spine cracking.

The grass in the little clearing was soaked with dew and that dissuaded him from laying down. He stood undecided for a few moments, then shrugged and kept walking. It was too early to go to the Barns and his hunger had been slaked by the water. _Whatever, I'll just go along here for a while, I can't get lost, there's the stream to follow back, if it gets too overgrown I'll go back, it's so pretty here, I like those flowers, they smell nice._ A stream of unconscious thought took him deeper into the wood and he broke through the trees a long while later as he came to a break in the steep bank with a slope gliding down to a shingle beach. It was too inviting not to take. The stream divided at this point and across from the beach was an island, small but covered in trees at the highest point. There was a shingle beach facing him and what looked like a slope up into the trees. Adam could see that the stream was very shallow here, wider than before and flowing across a shingle bottom. He did not hesitate. His boots and socks were off, his overalls rolled up, and he was across before he'd time to think.

It was enchanting, for a long moment he was convinced this was a remnant of Cabeswater, waiting for him to find. He shook the thought off, Cabeswater was well and truly gone, and walked around the little beach. The island was not able to be circumnavigated, a rock cliff half encircling it at the southern end where the stream divided to flow round it. There was no trees or bushes on the lower beach level, _do they get wrenched out by floods?_ he mused, but there was debris that obviously came from further upstream. He dropped his boots and tackled the slope to the trees. It was steeper than the one to the beach on the other side of the stream but nothing he couldn't handle, Cabeswater had asked him to go to far worse places in the past. At the top he stood and gasped, astounded. It was like a fort, a natural fort. The cliff and other rock encircled the clearing from knee to shoulder height and around the perimeter of a grassy clearing were the trees. He recognized oaks but the others he didn't know. The treetops did not cover the entire clearing, leaving a space for the sun to shine through, and a multitude of wild flowers and grasses were growing through what felt under foot to be some sort of soft mossy like growth. Bees and butterflies were already busy, and here and there were boulders set in the grass, one just the right height for him to sink on to and gaze around awestruck. It was every fairytale come to life, every small boys wet dream, a safe, enclosed, and solitary wonderland. He immediately wished he could live here. A little cabin over there, a chair further over under that oak tree for solitary reading. He spent a while wistfully daydreaming before a thought struck him. He could live here! It must be owned by someone but it was obvious nobody came here, it was free to utilize. His mind froze on that. It was free, he shouldn't.. _.NO! It was where Cabeswater once was, and Cabeswater would want me to have it! And,_ he thought with a sigh, _I do need somewhere to live till college. It could be here, in this fairy glade?_ His logical mind started planning without more ado. What would he need? Not a cabin obviously, but a tent? A tent, and airbed, something to cook on, to cook in, to eat off and with. How much would it cost? His bank account was in a very healthy state right now. Ronan had refused to take rent when Adam moved in with him, and barely tolerated him buying groceries ("You buy shit, Parrish! Food is not supposed to taste like shit!") and the hours he had worked so obsessively had contributed several thousand to his college fund. And his full ride meant he needed very little of it to attend said college. He thought about it some more, wishing he had paper and a pen to write the pros and cons...though at that thought he gave a snort and reminded himself he had nowhere else to go. Well, not quite. He knew he could move into Monmouth, Maura more than likely would offer him a bed at Fox Way, but neither of these appealed. He really didn't want to be anywhere Ronan hung out. And he wouldn't force Gansey or Blue to choose . Henry...Henry might offer to take him in at Litchfield House, Ronan certainly didn't hang out there! But as much as he liked Henry, he wasn't a 'best friend' and all the shenanigans that happened at Litchfield on a daily basis would drive him mad within a week. He really did need somewhere to live but if it wasn't at the Barns with Ronan he'd rather be somewhere on his own, a solitary being at heart.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142422632@N06/26968816048/in/dateposted-public/)

With that thought he jumped up off his rock and slid down the slope, _definitely gotta make some steps!_ , grabbed his boots, waded the stream and after putting his boots on, set back off to the car. While he walked back he busily composed shopping lists in his head, looking down at his clothes and thinking, _first thing I'll have to do is get some more tshirts and boxers and a pair of pants, can't walk around_...With that he came to a halt. Where was he going to get what he needed? The last place he wanted to go back into was Henrietta, it hurt too much. He'd have to when he went back to work at Boyd's but that was another week away and maybe he'd feel stronger then. Right now he felt too shaky to brave its streets so the next town over would be better. It had a mall with a Walmarts, maybe things would be cheaper too. This decision made he continued to the car, jumped in, did a u-turn back the way he had come last night and turned right at the intersection instead of the normal left.

Adam had been to this town once before but couldn't remember where the mall was. It was over twice the size of Henrietta and he drove around in frustration, giving up when his gut made a particularly loud and obnoxious noise. His hunger rushed back and all he wanted to do was sink his teeth into the biggest burger he could find. There was sure to be a McDonald's at the mall but he was sick of looking for it and Main Street was easier to find again. A Mom and Pop diner caught his eye and parking outside it, he made his way in. The smell of hot grease and coffee assailed him as he stepped through the door, his stomach growling again.

A huge burger, chips and three cups of coffee later, his inner man quietened and feeling more alive, Adam asked the friendly old lady behind the counter where the mall was. Her face darkened and she didn't seem so friendly. "Whadda ya wanna go there for, horrible place?" she asked him in a drawl he recognised. He told he was looking for camping gear and she brightened. "Ya don' needa go there for that! There's a store jus' up the road on the other side, don' even needa move ya car! They godda big sale on at the mo," and her face darkened again, "Walmart's puttin' 'em outta business." Adam thanked her for the info, allowing his own accent to come out. She brightened still further at this and thrust a bag into his hand. "Ya ate like there was no tomorra, boy, ya look like a stick insect. Take these, they're only a bit stale but I can't sell'em." Adam flushed and stammered out his thanks. Outside he looked into the bag. Scones. He loved scones.

He climbed into the car and drove up the street looking for the camping store. It was one block up and its windows were plastered with signs. Clearance Sale! Going Out of Business Sale! Don't Shop at Walmarts, Shop Local! This sign had patently not helped keep the customers coming in by the look of it. Adam walked in and looked around. There was still a lot of stock on the floor and he could see tickets with prices crossed out again and again as they got lower. The shopkeeper came out from the back and seemed very happy to see him. He rushed over and started talking nineteen to the dozen. Adam waited till he could get a word in and said what he was looking for. " A cheap tent, please, I also need an airbed and a camp cooker." The shopkeeper "Call me Brian" showed him every tent in the shop, even those meant for families of six or more with separate bedrooms for each. Adam let him, he was so plainly the first customer poor Brian had had in a while. In the end he didn't get a 'cheap' tent. The prices had been reduced so much that he got a medium sized, very well made, waterproof dome tent he could stand up in with room for his belongings as well. It was in camo decor and came with a matching sleeping bag he could use as a quilt and a folding chair. He was also able to get a single airbed (not one of the cheap nasty ones but one with internal coils and a plush finish) with a manual pump, and a little two burner camp stove with cylinder, and his purchases came to less than a week's rent at St Agnes. He felt guilty that his good fortune was at Brian's expense. But Brian didn't look unhappy, in fact he dragged him over to a basket on legs filled with foil packets and said "you should buy some of these, they're dehydrated meals and they cost me a fortune. But no one bought them and they're out of date in a couple of months. Normally nearly ten dollars a pop but I'm getting rid of them for two bucks each." Adam looked at the packets, looked at Brian, then fossicked in the basket. There were twenty odd packets there, ranging from beef stew, to chilli mac, and chilli con carne, even chicken in black bean sauce, swankier than he'd ever eaten. He read the back of a couple of the packets and sure enough, they were due to expire at the beginning of August. He bought the lot and got $200 worth of meals for a measly forty bucks. He felt even more guilty. Brian packed them away in a cardboard box, this reminding Adam he needed to find a few more of them for storage. Brian then threw in an LED lantern for free. His guilt was going to cripple him. With many thanks and invitations to return anytime he needed anything, "I'll be open for the summer, rent's paid till September, maybe I'll get some more customers!", Adam took his purchases out to the car and packed them in the trunk.

It wasn't till then that he remembered he was still wearing his work clothes. He blushed with embarrassment, his inner critic telling him Brian and the friendly old lady would have thought he was so trash. But he told himself off, reminded himself how friendly and kind both had been and drove off to look for the mall feeling a lot better.

After driving around for another quarter hour he finally saw a sign and found it. This time he went straight inside to Walmarts, found the cheapest tshirt and pair of pants he could and changed in the washroom. He still wore his boots, they were no worse than anything Ronan had ever worn. With the thought of Ronan in his head, his mood dropped. He returned to the car and chucked his work clothes in the back seat. He sat there for a while, fighting tears till his eyes stopped pricking and his breathing settled. Once he had control of himself again he opened the small notebook he'd also purchased and methodically wrote down everything he'd bought so far with their costs. Underneath he put down what else he needed to get. A flashlight, one knife, one fork, one spoon, one cereal and soup bowl, one plate, one mug, one saucepan, one frypan, one lighter plus a box of matches, one egg spatula, a cutting board and sharp knife, one pillow and pillow slip, one single fitted sheet, one single flat sheet. At this the tears did come. He didn't think he'd have to sleep in a single bed again till college started. And even then he would have had Ronan to sleep with during his school breaks. But now...his tears fell quietly and he let his heart break. They weren't like last night's tears, they were softer, quieter and he didn't fight them, just let them roll down his face. He rested his head on the back of the driver's seat for a while until eventually his tears decreased and finally stopped.

After he dried his face and pushed back his slumped shoulders, he took his list into the mall. This time all he looked for was cheap. And a couple of hours later he was back in the car, loaded with bags and boxes, and with only a few more things than he'd listed. He'd bought another couple of tees, some boxers and a second pair of pants, these ones sweat pants, also some socks...he shuddered to think what his feet smelt like now. And something he hadn't wanted but knew he should get, a new phone. His old shitty text and call only had died a few weeks back and he'd known he'd need to get a new one eventually. This one was a cheaper smartphone, not up to Gansey or Henry's standards but good enough for him. He got a sim card with it and a modest plan, he could afford that. And he got a car charger for it, no power on his island! He also got an enamel coffee pot that was on sale. It was huge, probably held ten cups or more but it would make a good drinking water carrier and he could boil up water in it for washing and his dirty dishes. He also bought a plastic bowl to do that in. He didn't fancy walking up and down the slope with washcloth, towel, soap and shaving gear and using them all with cold stream water. No thank you ma'am!

He'd found the foodmarket but decided to drive to it, he didn't want to carry THAT many bags. The groceries didn't take long to get, the hardest thing was finding the longlife milk, why wasn't it with the tea and coffee? He thought about getting a cooler but with no ice, what use would it be? He added a bucket to his trolley and some dishtowels, a towel and a washcloth. So many things! Well, he was starting from scratch so what the hey. By this time he was mechanically putting things in the trolley as and when he saw them. Pegs, for hanging clothes, a coil of thin rope for hanging them on between trees, a soap dish, soap, dishwash, laundry detergent, bug spray and repellant, toilet paper. At that he rebelled. All at once he was finished and sick of it. He rushed his trolley to the checkout, rushed his bags to the car, threw them in the backseat, and drove away. He hurtled back to old Cabeswater, thinking in a tiny part of his mind that Ronan would be quite proud of him, that thought getting trampled very quickly. Back at his parking spot he began the long and laborious task of transferring everything along the stream, across the stream, up the slope and into a pile in the middle of the clearing. It took forever, Adam losing count of how many trips it took and how many times he took his boots and socks on and off. But finally it was all there and he had time to look about for the best spot for the tent. But first he set up his new little cooker, boiled a cup of stream water he'd collected in the new coffee pot and made himself a cup of coffee in his new cup which he ate with a scone toasted in his new frypan and buttered with his new knife and placed upon his new plate. He sat in his new camo chair, plate on knee, surrounded by more stuff he'd ever bought in one day, more stuff than he had ever bought in his whole life and relaxed. He could do this. He was fine.

The tent took some putting up. He didn't think at all that he was a stupid person but you seemed to need to be a rocket scientist for this. When it was finally upright and pegged down he pumped up the airbed and dragged it inside. He put his (one) fitted sheet and his (one) flat sheet on it and pulled the sleeping bag out of its bag, unzipping it and laying it across the top. He put his (one) pillowslip onto his (one) pillow and gently laid it at the head of the bed. Everything smelled so new. If nothing else got done he could sleep well tonight. But of course, this was Adam Parrish, army of one, so everything did get done. There was a pile of groceries and sundry items along one side of the tent ( _maybe a cooler's not such a bad idea, I need more boxes_ ), a cardboard box with the new clothes in it beside his bed and topped with flashlight and phone, outside the (screen) door of his new tent was his cooker setup, chair, board and knife (though he'd got sliced bread), a pot of dehydrated beef stew simmering, another coffee waiting, and as the sun started to set, Adam himself sitting in his chair, looking out across the clearing and thinking about what he would have to do tomorrow and not looking forward to it at all.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142422632@N06/39029207270/in/dateposted-public/)

He didn't sleep well. Tossing and turning, getting used to his new bed and the smell of the new linen driving him crazy. And thinking. Thinking about going back to the Barns. Thinking about seeing Ronan again. Thinking about NOT seeing Ronan again. If he timed it right he could get in and out while Ronan was at church, grab all his stuff, leave the BMW there and take his shitbox. It was still a going concern, it started, its gearbox still groaned and the motor was sad, but he'd been leaving the BMW for Ronan and Opal on Sunday's so that humungous truck didn't take up half the parking at St Agnes. Too bad, they'd have to deal tomorrow.

After waking at dawn again and getting up for coffee and cereal, he washed, shaved (his face being very scratchy after not for  two days) and dressed. After pulling his new bed linen out and draping it over some tree branches to air and putting his pillow to do the same on his chair, he set off for the car. Fortunately it was still there. Just one of the things keeping him awake the night before had been the fear of it getting stolen. Though there was little chance of that, every lowlife in Henrietta knew whose car that was and every one of them avoided that person if possible. Didn't make him stop worrying.

He drove the long way round to Singer Fall's and came to the Barns from the opposite direction than that used by Ronan to get to Henrietta. He parked under some trees as far off the road as he could and as far back as he could while still seeing where the truck would come out. He didn't have to wait long, about 20 minutes later the truck burst out onto the road with a cloud of dust and a roar and sped away, Ronan late as usual. Adam waited for five minutes, just in case he came back for something. But the road remained empty so he crept up to the driveway, slowly drove down it and parked the BMW in its usual spot. He was antsy and anxious, tight as a rubber band and ready to drive away but he didn't. He told himself to stop acting like a baby and forced himself out of the car. He stood there for a moment and then jumped, as a squawk and talons announced Chainsaw's arrival. "Jesus Christ! You scared the shit out of me!," and a hand went up to ruffle her feathers. "Off you go, I got stuff to do," he said to her and flicked his shoulder to get her to fly. She did but not without a curse in raven as she did so.

Adam crept inside the house, listening to the quiet. Then he leapt into action. He grabbed a couple of plastic sacks and rushed up to the bedroom. Trying hard to not think about the things that had happened in that room, he shoved his clothes, papers, shoes and bathroom supplies into the bags. These were taken out and thrown into the back of the Hondayota. Back upstairs he picked up an armful of his books and made a trip out to the car with them going back for a second armful before he had them all. He found a couple of discarded cardboard boxes and took those and then he took the only thing he would take of Ronan's. He went out into the closest barn and took a shovel, not the best one but an old rusty wooden handled one. He had discovered last night he would need to dig a hole if the campsite was to remain clean and sanitary. Ronan was always being a little shit, it seemed appropriate he should be donating a shovel for Adam's.

The clock was ticking, he needed to leave. Adam took one last look around the place he had been so happy, locked the door behind him, took the house and BMW key off his keyring and put them on the driver's seat of Ronan's car. He pushed the door lock, held the door handle up, and shut it with a firm push. This part of his life was over, time to be on with the new one.

Back at what he decided he would call Old Cabeswater another few trips took all the rest of his stuff back to the island. But he didn't stay there this time. He was still concerned about the car so he went back to it and drove further up the road, looking for anywhere he could park it out of sight. About half a mile up on the left he came to an old driveway or maybe a lane that had an old gate across it. It hadn't been opened in forever so Adam hopped over it and went to take a look. A couple of hundred yards along and around a curve, hidden in a lot of trees, was the remains of an old house. All that was left were two tumbling down stone walls and a chimney and no one had been here for many years. He looked about and thought for a moment about transferring his campsite to here. But it was so gloomy and sad looking and even though it was more inconvenient, his hilltop fort had firmly taken his fancy. But this would do to park the car, if he could get the gate open. And that took some effort. But eventually he had it pulled back against the bushes and was driving his car down the very narrow driveway, trees and bushes scraping again the sides. He didn't care, neither did the car, a few more scratches weren't going to hurt it. He tucked it beside the old house, backing it in and locking it up. He went back to the gate and found it wasn't so hard to shut but he'd get some grease for the hinges anyway. He fluffed the weeds around it to try and make it seem undisturbed but as most of the grass and weeds were drying out anyway, it didn't really matter.

Trudging back down the road, his boots kicking up dust as he went, he thought about doing this each day for work. It surprised him how much it didn't bother him. It had taken much more effort, sweat and blood to get to and from work and school while he still lived at the trailer park so this was going to be a breeze. And none of it after dark. As he walked along past the stream he wondered if he might actually be able to go through the woods to get to and from the car. He didn't want to risk getting lost in them, it would be pretty dark in there before he got to the car with his work started at half seven of a morning and half an hours drive. Then he snorted. His new phone. _It has GPS, doh!_ He could make a waypoint at the island, walk round the road to the car, get ITS waypoint, and then try finding the island from there. How simple. He'd forgotten that some things could be simple. Maybe this would be.

Back at the campsite the sun was high overhead. He was so hot! He stripped off his clothes, grabbed his towel and slithered carefully down the by now familiar slope. The stream water was just as lovely as he thought it would be. The side where he crossed over was only about six inches deep but the other side was deeper and out from the cliff face was a hole deep enough for swimming. He stayed in till his lips were blue and his fingers and toes wrinkled, arms and legs starfishing, occasionally going under, but mostly just floating, mindless. When he dragged his frozen body out of the water he lay on his towel in the bright sun, ignoring the shingle that dug into his back. He drifted off to sleep, peaceful and relaxed, clean and warm, with no thoughts of anything. He was fine. He could do this. He was doing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favourite chapter. I do have a thing for solitary places, and trees, and streams, and making little homes.


End file.
